ebaYseller to English Glossary of Terms
(Taken from actual ads)

Seller says: "chrome"
English translation:  any metal or silver-colored plastic; something shiny

Seller says: "Shabby Chic"
English translation: demolished

Seller says: "Soooo Shabby Chic!!! "
English translation: *#@! demolished

Seller says: "art deco"
English translation: "designed before I was born"

Seller says: "WILL LOOK GREAT IN  THE RIGHT DECOR"
English translation: "UGLY AS SIN"

Seller says: "retro"
English translation: "designed before I was born and ugly as sin"

Seller says:  "estate sale"
English translation:   "yard sale" (tag sale if you're in western New England)

Seller says: "I don't know if this clock works or not..."
English translation: "They haven't yet brought electricity to my village."

Seller says: "...as I haven't had time to plug it in."
English translation: "The clock is broken and I think you're all morons."

Seller says: "does not appear to work"
English translation: "or may be playing a Jedi mind trick, making me blind to its flawless operation"

Seller says: "Face has some crackling, visible in photos, that could undoubtedly be repaired  with  a spray fixative."
English translation: "I'm not really from this planet."

Seller says: "wear"
English translation: "scrapes"

Seller says: "scrapes"
English translation: "nicks"

Seller says: "nicks"
English translation: "scratches"

Seller says: "scratches"
English translation: "gouges"

Seller says: "gouges"
English translation: "bullet holes"

Seller says: "rare"; "unusual"; "unique"; "hard to find"
English translation: "           "; "It's the only one I've seen"

Seller says: "There appears to be (insert any description of damage)..."
English translation: "Clock definitely and clearly has severe (insert description of damage)"

Seller says: "These are getting harder to find..."
English translation: "...unlike other antiques which grow more plentiful as the years go by."

Seller says: "for all I know it just needs a good cleaning"
English translation: "needs a new rotor"

Seller says: "I'm not familiar with clocks..."
English translation: "For all I know, they may have designed this clock to blow fuses."

Seller says: "probably could be easily replaced or modified by attaching a piece of wire or something."
English translation: "I'm not familiar with clocks..."

Seller says:  "Some trim pieces missing"
English translation: "You'd be hard pressed to recognize it."

Seller says:   "One of a kind"
English translation: "It's a marriage of several clocks."

Seller says:  "No reserve!"
English translation: "I'll start it so high you'd be a fool to bid."

Seller says:  "What you see is a result of the flash."
English translation: "I'm an expert at hiding faults."

Seller says:  "Attributed to Frankl" (or insert any other famous designer)
English translation:  "..by this guy I know, John.  You wouldn't know him.  He lives in Canada."

Seller says:  "Eames era." (assuming Charles and/or Ray Eames)
English translation:  "made any time between 1903 and 1988."

Seller says:  "Money orders ship immediately..."
English translation:  "...after I run out of stamps and have to go to the post office."

Seller says:  "jadeite"; "jadite"; "jaydeyte", etc.
English translation:  "reflecting a color in the visible spectrum somewhere between yellow and blue"

Seller says:  "I looked up the last patent date...this clock was made in 1931."
English translation:  "I don't understand what 'patent' means."

Seller says:  "This will be a nice collectible for the money."; "PRICED TO SELL."
English translation:  "I don't understand what 'auction' means."

Seller says:  "The cord has been cut off so I don't know if it works."
English translation:  "It didn't work so I cut the cord off."

Seller says:  "I had a Seiko Quartz battery movement put it, so it would work...As a kid, I wasn't allowed to touch it..."
English translation:   Now we know why...  (it was a 6B15!  sob... sob...)

Seller says:  "There is no back on the workings so as not to restrict the sound."  (6B01)
English translation:   "Someone lost the back."

Seller says:  "I don't know if this clock ever had any glass but it looks great without it."
English translation:   "I broke the crystal taking it off the wall of the dead lady's house."

Seller says:  "Maybe there is a trick to get it running I don't know."
English translation: "I thought it was 'three shakes of a mojo hand,' but maybe it's only two."

Seller says:  "only a few known to exist.  It is extremely RARE."
English translation  "...so I didn't think anyone would mind me adding a fake dial to make one more."

Seller says:  "THE CORD WAS CUT WHEN WE BOUGHT IT IT IT (sic) MAY NOT BE WORKING"
English translation  "MAY HAVE BEEN CONVERTED TO SOLAR POWER"

Seller says:   "minty"
English translation  "recently cleaned with Scope mouthwash"

Seller says: "patina"
English translation  "a red dust-like substance that forms on ferrous metals in the presence of oxygen"

Seller says: "should clean up fine"
English translation  "I have no idea what's under all this crud. I could be selling you a clock-shaped lump of dirt for all I know."

Seller says:   "wood has a warm hue"
English translation  "..because it was in a fire"

Seller says:   "Ones in this condition are hard to find."
English translation  "most of the ones in this condition went to the dump"

Seller says:   "nicely refinished
English translation  "polyurethane so thick it makes a bartop look like a squirt of Endust"

Seller says:   "difficult to find"
English translation  "we used it to hold a window open in the shop and forgot about it"

Seller says:   "still in the original box"
English translation  "so ugly it wasn't even good enough for the garage"

Seller says: "you should have no trouble finding a new motor for this one"
English translation  "you can always use it if you're decorating a family restaurant"

Seller says: "Owner selling because of illness"
English translation  "He gets sick when he looks at it"
 
 

Inexplicable Ad Text (yes, taken from actual ads)

"Just plug this baby in and enjoy it ticking away! "
"Antique General Electric 8 Day Mantel Clock"
"All this one needs is the inner workings replaced and a new power cord and it will work fine."
"It has possibly been rewired professionally since I have gotten it"
"Clock runs fine but I think a bit slow.", "Runs great, but a little fast"  (two different ads)
"The clock has been professionally restored by an elderly gentleman who does this as a hobby."
"USED TO WORK PERFECT"
"I have had the inside of the glass professionally cleaned."
"There is a crack on the front plastic but it appears that it can be easily replaced"
"Unique Old Telechron Electric Mental Clock"
..."a little noisy,Not sure if thats how it is suppose to be or not"
This is a great clock to add to any style kitchen because of its clean condition. (I bet it looks awful in the dirty ones.)
"Cabinet in mint condition with a few dings" (and untold variations on this theme)
"DON'T KNOW HOW TO MOVE HANDS WHEN NOT PLUGGED IN, DON'T SEEM TO LET ME. MAYBE MADE THAT WAY. I WOULDN'T    KNOW."  (Don't laugh.  This person probably has a driver's license and may have kids...)
 
 

Ad of the Year

"GREAT 4 INCH ROUND NICE LEGS ART DECO GENERAL ELECTRIC BAKELITE ? CASED ALARM CLOCK
WORKS SOMETIMES SOMETIMES NOT SHOULD HAVE NEW PLUG PUT ON SO NO RESERVE AS IS BUYER
PAYS SHIPPING ALL SALES FINAL AS IS PAYMENT WITHIN 10 DAYS OF AUCTION CLOSING"  (I think I had this guy for Trigonometry.)

Special thanks to Arch.  Regular thanks to Greg, Larry, Phil, Joseph and David.  Send in your own-- this is your web page too!