1928

Mr. Davis and Mr. Carpenter staying at the Hotel Commodore Perry were, on their first night, disturbed by a great noise in the room above them--the sound of someone running about.  They did not interfere, however, thinking it would not occur again.

The second night it was quite as bad.

On the third night it varied; being a series of heavy bumps.

This decided them; they went upstairs and asked the inmate of the room the reason for the din.

"It is only medicine" A.J. Frank says, "It is a good deal harder for me than it is for you."

"Medicine!"  "Surely it isn't as hard to take as all that."

"Yes it is, the doctor ordered me to take it two nights running then skip the third night and that it what I'm trying to do."  (all three worked for Telechron)

"L" Guard (at the front of the car)"  "Ridgeland Avenue next!  Ridgeland.
"L" Guard (at rear of car)"  "Same Here!"

"How is it," asked the police magistrate of a culprit haled before him for robbery, "that you managed to take this man's watch from his vest pocket when it was secured by a patent safety catch?"

"My fee, your honor," replied the man politely and with dignity, "is $10 for the full course of six lessons."

"The Newlyweds"
Mrs. Leonard Bees:  "Will you love me if I grow fat?"
Leonard: "No, I promised for better or worse-- not through thick and thin."

"Charles, who is Babe?" asked Mrs. Whitten one morning.
"Why didn't I tell you?  Babe is the name of the horse I backed yesterday.  It won--here's a ten for you."
Charles returned home in the evening.
"Charles", said the wife, "you know the horse you backed yesterday?"
"Yes", replied he, dubiously.
"Well, it's been ringing you up on the phone."

"Bill" Opdyke is a big help to his wife in caring for the new baby--
Mrs Opdyke: "Now Bill, when you bathe the baby, make sure you use the thermometer to test the water".
Mrs. Opdyke returned an hour later:  "Did you use the thermometer?"
Mr. Opdyke: "No, I can tell without that.  If it's too hot, the baby turns red, and if it's too cold, he'll turn blue".

Mr Kokins was sitting down to breakfast one morning when he was astounded to see in the paper an announcement of his own death.
He rang friend Carlson at once.  "Halloa, Carlson, "he said.  "Have you seen the announcement of my death in the paper?"
"Yes," replied George.  "Where are you speaking from?"

The latest one is about Mr. Japp who paid five dollars for a twenty-minute ride in a plane.  While he was up there, he tried to persuade the pilot to try for the endurance record.

Bea (Phillips) Berry: "Leland told me I was the eighth wonder of the world".
Mary:  "What did yo say?"
Bea:  "I told him not to let me catch him with any of the other seven".

Mrs. Frank Powers-- dancing with her husband at the picnic:  "When I dance with you I feel as tho I were treading on clouds".
Frank:  "Don't kid yourself; those are my feet!"

Margaret Harrall's Father:  "Young man, what do you mean bringing my daughter home at 7:00 o'clock in the morning"?
Harold Cowern:  "Well, I have to go to work at 8:00".

The girl:  "Why do you close your eyes so tightly when you kiss me?"
Russell:  "I'm trying to imagine that you are Greta Garbo."

Mr. Durmer calling on Mr. Chase shortly after Christmas, "Oh, you have a new saxophone."
Mr. Chase, "No, I just borrowed that from Harry Whitehead."
Mr. Durmer, "What did you borrow it for?--you can't play."
Mr. Chase, "Neither can he while I've got it."

Wifie:  "Oh, Fred, the baby has swallowed the matches.  What shall I do?"
Husband:  "Here.   Use my cigarette-lighter."

Elroy Grout, the shy young man in the Motor Assembly Dept. wanted to propose to one of his lady loves but never dared.  Finally, he took her to to his family lot in the cemetary and said: "Wouldn't you like to be buried here some day?"

The drunk leaned over the railing of the brodge and gazed perplexedly at the reflection of the moon in the water.  A policeman walked by.  "Say, officer", called the inebriate, "is that the moon down there?"
"Of course it is," answered the law.
"Then how'd I get up here?"

A freshman was spending Saturday afternoon on a farm, the home of his best girl, and the scenery filled him romance.  As they walked through a pasture, he noticed a cow and a calf rubbing noses.
"Such a loving site," said he, "makes you want to do the same."
"Go ahead", said the girl, "It's Pa's cow.  He won't care."
 

1931

George Snow:  What do you call a man who drives a car?
Perry Holden:  That depends on how close he comes to me.

1934

"Are you sure the defendant was drunk?" asked the judge.
"No doubt, your honor" replied Harry Davis.
"Why are you so certain?"
"Well", replied officer Davis, "I saw him out a penny in the fire box in front of Telechron then look up at the clock on the factory and shouted 'Gawd, I've lost fourteen pounds.'"

R. Chase - "How many people work in your department?"
T. Durmer - "About half."

Our friend "Florence" must have joined a nudist colony as it is so hard to pin anything on her!.

Professor (sternly)- "When the room settles down I will begin the lecture."
C. Davies - "Why don't you go home and sleep it off?"

1935

HUBBY (over the 'phone)--- "Is that you dear?  I'm afraid I won't be able to get hoem to dinner tonight as I am detained at the office."  (not in Ashland)
WIFE (in sympathetic reply) -- "You poor dear, I don't wonder.  How do you get anything done at all, with that orchestra playing in the office, is more than I can see."

Marie Krajeska - "I want to know how long girls should be courted."
Anita Preti - " Just the same as short ones".

Mrs. "Brig" Young - "This is an idea spot for a picnic."
"Brig" Young - "You said it.  Fifty million insects can't be wrong."

Jimmy Murphy who considers himself a good motor mechanic bought a second-hand car and had just finished some necessary repairs.
"You wouldn't think it was a second-hand car, would you?" he said proudly to Bill Holmberg.
"Good Heavens, no!" said Bill.  "I really thought you'd made it yourself!"